I have recently had a very forceful Epiphany, a major paradigm shift, yea even a transient change of heart!

I have come to realize that my actions and attitude have been in discord with the 2 most precious things to me in my life.

Being right over a point of doctrine or the quest to know every historical inconsistency caused me to be bitter, angry, and harsh for several years. While some of this may have stemmed from over compensation to look smart, to cover up any residual effects of growing up dyslexic, some of my negativity may have come from how I was treated on my mission, which in hindsight was horrible and abusive.

My dyslexia had the side effect that I could not pass off the discussions. I was constantly probed as to what grievous sin I had committed that was stopping me form passing off the discussions, when I couldn't even memorize 7 lines for the play "Cheaper by the Dozen." Other major events in my life where some church leaders should have done the right thing, but they chose to play the old boys network may have temporarily obscured my objectivity. While these events could have contributed to my negativity, I thought that intellectually I had kept the issues separate, but maybe, for a time, not so much.

The truth is that Renee, my former spouse, was right, I did for some time, see things through jaded eyes, and was hyper critical and negative about the church, it's doctrinal changes, and historical PR spin on things. I did grow to modify my parental priorities in this life. I left the path of dissension and left behind my angry phase and returned for many years to the simplistic happy place in my life.

I did not create, invent or exaggerate any of the issues or problems with the church, but I had made them more importance than they should have been while married to a true believer . I did not give my wife and children the highest priority or time they deserved, because I was on a quest to know the TRUTH, which that Truth would ultimately be very important to my spouse and family. In all fairness, I did not feel I was her top priority either, thus the divorce.

This is not a 180 degree turn around for me, for I was never an evil person in the first place. Also I never did present my web pages in terms of a list of why the church is not true, but I presented the facts and made commentary to balance out lots of misinformation the church had presented for over 150 years. I tried to let people come to their own conclusions, not my conclusions.

It is still my "testimony", that to present polygamy as if it ended in 1890 instead of 1904, is disrespectful of those faithful saints that sacrificed much to continue a principal in which they believed deeply. Implying that they were out of harmony with the church or that their children are bastards, is wrong! For many years, I felt this is not my battle to fight, not my ark to steady. My priority is my future spouse and current children, almost 20 years later my children are raised and to paraphrase Joseph Smith. "What a thing it is for a man to be accused of ... having seven wives, when I can only find NONE"—Joseph Smith (LDS History of the Church 6:411) .

I will leave my web pages up with this disclaimer or a link to it, at the top of each page. When I have time, I will tone down the commentary where my anger caused me to be more critical than the circumstances justify. 20 years later, looking back I don't see that I was being too critical and angry. In recent years the church has started to come clean, on some historical matters where they were factually lying. Plural Marriage in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints If you notice a section where I am incorrectly critical or factually incorrect, or using an unjustified angry tone, please inform me, and include the url and wording: change@ldshistory.us

My priorities are, future spouse, children, taking my turn cleaning and making the home safe and comfortable, fitness, being a good neighbor, church callings that involve my family, (the church actually does not want to utilize my History skills it turns out), and then if there is time left I may add a page here or there, where the church causes more bad PR by lying than by telling the full truth. But doing that is a very low priority for me. So don't expect to see this sight change much.

I know that NO other church on the face of this earth is as true as the LDS church, and in the last 20 years, I don't see any evidence that God is any leaders of any Church).

Perry L. Porter 10-04-2000

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All opinions expressed here about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (the Mormons) and LDS History are are mine and mine alone, and represent my thinking at this point in time, (subject to change based on better information).

All original writings of mine are just that, to reproduce, forward or use, parts or whole, you need to get permission from me first.

Spellings constructed for effect and to confound the ridged. ;)

©2001 by Perry L. Porter.  All copyrights are maintained by any parties (individual or corporate) which may have originally created any of the information or artwork contained herein.  If you see your work, and I've mistakenly not given you or your company credit, please E-mail me.  I'll gladly add the appropriate credit, if you feel it is necessary.


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